Do Asians Have Lower Sex Drive?

Biologically, sex drive is natural and everyone has it. Just like the need for food or air, it’s built into our system - a part of being alive, not a personality trait or moral choice.

But here’s where it gets interesting: how that drive shows up depends on far more than biology. Culture, upbringing, environment, and self-belief all play huge roles. So when studies or social observations say that “Asians have lower sex drive,” it’s not about less desire. It’s about having less permission to express it. It is never about a lack of drive but a lack of, safe space.

The Real Issue Isn’t Just Wanting - It’s Receiving Too.

For many raised in Asian cultures, there’s a subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) message of “Don’t be yucky.”, “Shame on you”, “Sex is evil.” “What would others think?” around the topic of sex.

We learn to work hard, to achieve, to do more, to be better. To give, give, give and give. Many give very well in bed too. We became so good at giving but we never learned to receive. And (I think) that’s the main reason behind “low sex drive” for Asians (among many other influencing factors of course).

Desire isn’t just about wanting, it’s also about allowing. In order to feel pleasure, you have to let go and be vulnerable. But first, you have to believe you deserve it in the first place. How can one feel pleasurable if all sex suggests is disgust, pain, guilt, or shame?

That’s the quiet struggle many people face: they don’t know how to relax into something that’s purely for them. No outcome. No performance. Just taking the time and allowing yourself to enjoy the pleasure in the moment.

Sex is two adults getting to know each other’s naked bodies. It should be treated with care and respect, much more than most matters outside of the bedroom because sex reveals our deepest vulnerabilities, often the ones we aren’t even aware of. It’s an area that, in my opinion, requires double or triple the communication. What makes it pleasurable for you? What makes you uncomfortable? Did anything bring back unpleasant memories? Would you like to try something new? Delicate, but crucial topics. Yet it is rarely discussed openly among couples.

So sex becomes another task - something to get right, to check off, or to avoid because it brings up discomfort.

Expression Is Cultural - But Freedom Is Personal

Research shows that across East Asian cultures, people tend to report lower sexual desire, often linked to stronger feelings of sexual guilt and social restraint (Woo et al., Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2011).

The key word here is report.

Across many Asian cultures, desire is something we’re taught to hide, not to understand. The body is seen as private, sometimes shameful. Sex is something people “do,” not something they feel.

When you’re raised to suppress desire, you don’t stop feeling it - you just stop expressing it. The body still wants connection but it’s scared. The drive is still there, but the mind has learned to censor it. It’s hidden beneath years of conditioning, years of “don’t do this, don’t think that, that’s dirty, it’s dark, it’s unacceptable.”

We learned to behave “appropriately,” to be self-controlled and to not draw attention. But control, when taken too far, numbs more than desire - it numbs aliveness. You cannot express yourself freely if you feel ashamed or guilty. And when you can’t express your true desires, you forget what it feels like to be fully alive.

For many, sex is something external - an act, a duty, a role. Not a shared exploration or emotional exchange. Many people enter intimacy with the same mindset they bring to work: trying to perform well, to meet expectations and to not mess it up.

But sex calls for openness, desire, vulnerability, hunger, intimacy, communication, connection, and sometimes creation. It is your freedom, and creativity to create a unique experience for you and your partner.

Foreplay Is a State of Mind

Esther Perel said it best: “Foreplay isn’t something that happens before sex; it’s everything that happens between two encounters.” (EstherPerel.com)

Foreplay begins the moment the last act ends. It lives in the way you look at each other, the tone of your voice, the willingness to stay connected even outside the bedroom.

You should apply the same to yourself. When was the last time you flirted with yourself? Woke up, stretched, and thought, “Damn, I like myself. I’m so lucky to be in this body.”

Desire begins in our imagination, long before touch. It starts in how you relate to yourself - how comfortable you are with your body, with being touched and with how everything will be seen close-up. We were never meant to be perfect, because we are already perfect just the way we are, flawed.

Being Seen, Naked — To Yourself

We often talk about “being seen” by another person, but the hardest and most healing kind of intimacy is being seen by yourself.

We’re certainly not talking about the polished version. Also not the one who’s in control. But the raw, real, bare-naked you - the one who feels, hesitates, wants but overthinks, the one who is sometimes afraid and sometimes doesn’t know what to do or how to ask for help.

When you can look at that version of yourself without judgment and you still want you despite all the imperfections – congratulations, that is true confidence and sensuality.

Sex reveals the greatest insights to our story. It’s much more than the physical - it’s emotional truth unfolding in motion, layer by layer. It tells you how open you are to joy, how safe you feel with vulnerability and how much space you allow for softness.

Here’s a question for you: “Do you allow yourself to receive pleasures? Not just sex but also the ones that are already yours. Like money, love and freedom. Do you?”

References

• Woo, J.S.T., Brotto, L.A., Gorzalka, B.B. (2011). The Role of Sex Guilt in the Relationship between Culture and Women’s Sexual Desire. Archives of Sexual Behavior. PubMed

• Perel, E. (2023). Rethinking Foreplay: Finding Freedom in What Feels Good. EstherPerel.com